The red sauce of death????

Ok so another night at work and so far I haven’t killed anyone with my cooking or killed myself with the stove. 

Tonight I had to make bbq sauce.  WTF, really.  Ok so my manager did write me some notes on how to do this so called sauce, however we didn’t have all the ingredients.  That sucked monkey’s butts, I could have cried. 

To top it off my chef of a husband left his phone at work.  I can see it now.  Ring, ring, pick up mother f-er, there has to be someone at this restaurant to help the poor chef’s wife out.  Oh wait its 1am and I am sure the bar is closed down for the night seeing it is Wednesday.  Damnit all that is unholy for someone that can burn water.

So the internet search for any easy bbq recipe begins…Hell if we have all the ingredients….which we don’t.

I found a recipe that will do on my slow ass suppose to be in 3g coverage phone.  Ps, dear Verizon it really isn’t fun being the 1% of your customer base. 

I grab my pan, Hell this better be the right pan to use, and start pouring, shaking and squirting things in not really measuring anything.  My red mixture starts to bubble alittle.  It smells good.  I wonder if it taste any good.  Shhh, I double dipped my spoon in it.  It wasn’t that bad.

Then I let my sauce cool and poured it over the ribs for tomorrow’s lunch.  Oh fingers crossed.  Next is mash potatoes.  Oh why oh why can’t we have a hand mixer….for the love of God!!!!

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No glass stove top please…..

Oh another day at work.  I guess this gig isn’t that bad.  I watch three people sleep, as of now. 

So tonight I had to cook Goulash for their lunch tomorrow.  What the F is Goulash???!!!!! So I Google it on my phone.  Now you suck Verizon because I am the 1% that doesn’t get 3g coverage in this small ass town.  I waited and waited for the page to download. 

So I finally figured it out.  Browned some hamburger with some onions and cooked some noodles.  I threw in some tomatoes and cream of mushroom soup.  Ok that’s not that bad, I guess.  No smoke alarms went off, however I burned the fuck out of my middle finger.  Yeah, me and glass top stoves do not mix well.

So now I have a blasted blister on my finger….good times. Oh wait it gets better.  One one of my trips to the bathroom, I pee a lot due to mass amounts of coffee intake, I noticed something quite usual.  Really???  I had the date 4-11 backwards in the middle of my forehead. Ok how the Hell did I do this??  See, everything in that kitchen is dated and in frustration I must have put my head down on something.  Wow, only I would have that happen to me.  This is so sad.

So between the random date on my forehead and the blister on my middle finger I am doing pretty good for tonight.  This must be a sign to just sit here and not fuck with anything else.  Who knows what else could happen to me.  Hey at least I didn’t burn the place down.

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No red tin filled with yummy chocolates, I will not eat anymore of you.

Two post in one night!  Yeah, its just that boring here at work.  I watch three people sleep.  Ok so the pay really isn’t that bad all things considered.  However, I cannot seem to keep my hands out of the chocolate tin. 

This red tin sitting on the table loves calling out my name.  “Lisa, Lisa….”  I can hear you red tin o chocolate cake like tort things.  No, no I will not eat you. Yes, I had two and I am afraid if I eat more there will be a huge whole missing.  Oh no the night girl is eating the resident’s chocolate.  Yes I will admit to it.  I also ate a piece of chocolate cake.  It was my reward for being down 18 lbs for the year.  Yeah me!! 

So last month I “ran” my first ever 5k.  Holy Hell Batman it was hot that day and the hills!!  But I finished under an hour, that included a visit to the porta potty for alittle tinkle from all the water I was drinking.  Mind you I powered walk like the 80s style ghetto girl rockin out to alittle Madonna.  Thank God my friend had short legs compared to my legs.  She could still jog.  I felt bad, she pushed the jogging stroller. 

So my attempts to jog around town have been put off just like all my other great “ideas.”  Really??? I need to get my ass into gear and get somewhat of a schedule for myself when I am home.  I am so lost not working like a crazy girl, as I am thinking about my new sewing machine.  Oh sewing….how I use to know thee.

Now sewing, I use to know how to sew.  I use to make all sorts of stuff 20 years ago.  Someone told me it was just like riding a bike.  Well, that someone was smoking crack!!  I have completely forgotten how to sew.  I need to take a sewing for dummies class in the worse way.  Those cute baby shoes are just waiting to be made. 

See I found this awesome idea.  So awesome that I am keeping it to myself.  Once I get off my ass and find some motivation, I am going to start making things to sell.  I have it all planned out in my little head.  In my head it works.  Now if I can only do it in real life.  I will work on that as soon as I figure out how to sew again.  Wonder if there is an app for that?? 

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I have mastered the art of sleeping in…..

Oh wow, I forgot for a moment I even had a blog.  Sad I know….I guess it’s well over due to update this thing.  A lot of things had come up since I last posted oh so long ago. 

First and for most I have found it quite difficult to be a stay at home mom.  I am clearly not cut out for it.  I try oh so hard to keep up on the daily chores of cleaning and picking up after the rest of the family, oh and the dog.  Grrrrrrr….that damn dog.  Free dog anyone??? 

I have even tried to have hobbies.  Playing my clarinet again, sewing, writing on this blog, jogging just to name a few.  However I am finding difficult to stick with anything.  I am a workaholic at heart and I don’t know what to do with any of my

free time except for naps.  Yes I find it hard to break the habit of sleeping in.  That I have master quite well.  I can even get my little one to sleep till noon!!!

So here I am, typing away with my pointer finger on this blasted phone.  I am beginning to hate the touch pad keyboard more and more with every letter.  Oh how I can’t wait till our contract is up!!  Less than a month….ahhhh.

I sit here listening to the frogs and the wind blowing hard outside.  I tried reading a book but the ones I brought suck.  I have to really like a book in order to read it.  If it doesn’t strike my fancy within the first chapter the book can kiss my ass. 

All I can smell is this huge ass Easter Lilly next to me.  I think I may sneeze, but this is the only chair next to an outlet so I can charge my phone.  Oh its so quite here at work on the night shift.

Yes, I got a part time job.  It isn’t much and I am not happy with the pay for all the responsiblities I have.  Sounds shallow I know, but still.  However, at the end of the day I am doing what I love.  I love helping the elderly.  It’s one of my true passions in life. 

So I have to pass medications, give shots, chart, wash asses, make food, do dishes & laundry and not to mention all of the housekeeping duties for just over minimal wage.  Best part of the job…..I am here all by myself at night.  It’s just me and the residents.  I think I can for go the crappy pay for that reason.   The term, “cannot work with others” comes to mind.

Oh crap, this plant has a strong scent!!  Holy Easter Lily Batman!!!  I am thinking its time to move this beast of a plant. 

Till next time!!!

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Vacation in a job form, yes I have gone crazy……….

It’s 3:22am and I might as well stay awake….I am practicing for my vacation job.  Yes, I typed that right.  I need a vacation from the housework life and a part time job will definally do the trick.  Ahh….vacation, I can just feel it now.

The wind in my hair as I drive to work at the butt crack of dawn.  My car’s driver’s side trim around the door is a little drafty.  I race the old blue though sleepy neighbourhoods waking up the dead.  She is quite noisy these days, I think the muffler is to blame.  Oh but who is to judge the old blue?  Not I because she is loved by me.  I just had a yummy homemade cookie. Bad!!! Midnight sacking not good. 

Oh the joys of being woken up by a baby.  Whomever came up with the following phase is one backwards
piece of lego.  “I slept like a baby.” Truly this person never had one for themselves.  The hungry little one eats again.  sigh.

Ok, what the red roses am I awake at the God awful hour?  Oh that’s right, I am practicing for a job.  Practicing getting this non morning lazy ass up in the morning.  You know what I say?  F this!  Clearly I sent off my application yesterday for this job and I am not 100% sure I will get it.  So till I know for sure about this gig, I am going to catch me some zzzzzzzzzzz.

Night all. 

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My pillow is one hot piece of foam….

So I have decided being a stay at home mom is no different from working with Alzheimer’s patients on the night shift during a full moon.  Say what you want…..people go CRAZY during a full moon, ask any healthcare worker and they will agree with me.

So the last couple of nights my little one believes that night-time is for eating and sleeping in 2 hours blocks only.  This was the same for my residents at the nursing home when the moon shows its full body.  Really?  Sleep what is sleep?  Hell, who needs a solid 8 hours of sleep anyways right?  Well, I do damn it!!!  It’s a requirement for this girl.  I love my sleep and my pillow loves me.  We have bonded and I prefer not to break that bond anytime soon.  Now my bed could be more comfortable.  We will work on that at a later date, until then my pillow is one hot piece of foam.

Biggest fail known to my mankind and I am embarrassed to admit this…..I bought decaf espresso beans instead of regular.  Major party foul on my part.  Maybe it was due to the fact that my 9-year-old distracts the Hell out of me whenever I take him into a public place.  So with that said, I am half focused on my needed purchases in a store and the other half of me is directed towards my 9-year-old son.  By the way, my little one is perfect in the store.  She just sits there in the cart, no worries.  The 9-year-old grabs, dis-obeys and talks.  Oh does he ever talk and believes his coat is some sort of super hero devise.  So I need a constant eye on him and his coat because it just might hit someone or something.  Sad oh so sad.  This is why I bought decaf.

So my espresso machine defeats the purpose of the well needed caffeine fix I need due to lack o sleep.  Please my cute little girl…..sleep threw the night again.  It’s not that hard.  When you see that it is dark that means close your eyes and start dreaming.  Hey at least she is not climbing out of her crib, stripping down naked and wanting to go milk the cows.  Yeah I have been there and dealt with that several times working in the nursing home… oh the joys of being a CNA.

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I can stay in my pj all day long, can you??

I guess there is a few pluses of being a stay at home Mom, one of them being able to stay in your pj all day long.  Another is not having to pawn your little one on a daycare provider.  With that said, my daily chores of picking up and cleaning is NEVER ending!!  I can’t seem to keep up and today I have given up.  I swear I do at least 2 loads of dishes a day.  I scrub floors…I need a floor cleaner in the worse way.  Then the next day I do it all over again.  I really wish the others living here would pitch in and help.  Take your dirty dishes to the sink people and while you’re at it rinse them out.  Nothing is worse than scrubbing morning cereal out of a bowl.  Oh I forgot to mention I do not have any days off.  I need a vacation!!!

I have yet to find a routine to this “housework.”  If only dog hair could pick itself up.  Now with the snowy weather I have wet foot prints everywhere on top of the dog hair.  Hello dog??? it’s winter why are you still shedding.  “Can you leave your shoes at the landing on the stairs?” That doesn’t work either.  Maybe I should buy a little floor mat thingy for the landing so people can wipe their feet off.  We’ll see how that works.

I am still lacking storage in this place.  The kitchen needs it the most.  Thinking I should just add more cabinets.  I do have this little moveable island, however it’s useless.  I should get rid of that and add a new big island with tons of storage underneath.  Ahhh, that would be perfect especially for all our kitchen gadgets.  I hate having things setting on the counter.  The kitchen counter should be clear of kitchen gadgets.  De-clutter!  Right now I have my toaster oven, it’s huge, a coffee grinder, a coffee maker and an espresso machine.  Now that I make several smoothies a day my piece of shit blender is also on the counter.  Ugh, it all needs to be hidden.  To begin with I don’t have much counter space.  This girl is dreaming of a huge kitchen island with tons of storage.

So the other day I hand scrubbed the crap out of the bathroom.  I cleaned everything.  It was spotless when I was done. You could lick the toilet bowl and not get sick.  Now you should  see it.  Lets just say my husband trimmed his beard and my son has bright blue toothpaste…then to top it off the dog likes toilet paper.  Oh and we both have a clothes problem.  If carpet was made out of clothes we would be living in the up and up.  This all happen within a day.  Soo, I tried cleaning it up again, however my daughter is at the stage of look at me, play with me, hold me.  I can’t get anything done.  She does nap but I take that time, which is short, for myself.  Hence this post.  My only good cleaning day is Saturday when my son can entertain the little one.

At this point I would kill for one day off and to come home to a clean place.  I know right where I would go.   I would take a little trip to Chicago and do some shopping all by myself!!!  I don’t need to buy anything it’s just getting far away from it all before I go postal on this mess.

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